i would spend every moment of every day with you,

i would take a loss just to make you happy,

i would spend all my money on you just to have a good time,

i would “come here” whenever you told me to,

i would make your favorite cookies whenever you wanted,

i would try to be as cute as i can in order to get just a smile out of you when you’re sad,

i would tickle you to no end just to make you laugh because.. your laugh is beautiful,

i would hold you until you stopped crying,

i would cancel all my plans if that’s what it took to see you,

i would love to have an official “date night” with you so i actually have something to look forward to in my week,

i would be completely content with just laying with you if there were nothing to do,

i would stare at your eyes for as long as i could because they’re a perfect shade of light blue,

i would love to sleep with you again because being held while i’m falling to sleep is one of the most comforting feelings i’ve ever felt,

i would listen to all of your stories that pertain to sports or music i don’t like because those are things you’re passionate about,

i would tell you everything i’m doing at any time of day if that’s what it took for you to trust me again,

i would show you off to everyone i know because i’m so happy to be with you,

i would say “thank you” all the time if that would help show i’m grateful you took me back,

i would never do anything that could potentially put this relationship in jeopardy again,

and i would do all of these things because i know that they’d all show that i care about you. and i really do. my relationship with you was the only relationship i’ve ever had that wasn’t superficial. you were the only guy i’ve ever said “i love you” to and meant it from the core of my heart. i’m sorry if i don’t seem grateful that we’re back together, but i really am. before we started talking again, i thought about you almost every day. every guy i was with, i’d always compare them to you; and let me say, they fell very short in comparison. cutting to the chase, i’m not here trying to be like the next teenager saying “omg i love you and i never wanna lose you…” what i am trying to do is tell you that i care deeply for you. because for me that is very important. i never really feel love or care from anyone. it is such a gratifying feeling. and i wanna make sure you feel that from at least me. i think that if you feel that, then you’d be more comfortable with the fact that we’re together again. maybe you won’t question my loyalty. or question my judgement. you’d just be… comfortable naturally. which would make it much easier for the both of us. because at the moment, i think you really did go out on a limb by getting back with me. cause you’re not 100% sure about me saying i’ve changed. and whether you trust me 99% or trust me 5.23%, you’re still taking a huge risk of being hurt again. but i wanna tell you — you have nothing to worry about. i don’t want to hurt you and i have no intention of hurting you. and someday, i hope that will get across to you.

so that boy?
he’s my boy now.
four months ago, I would have said “fuck no. that’d be impossible after what happened.” but I did it. and I’m so happy.
this is right.

house is going on the market soon. 

before you came back into my life, all i wanted to do was move. get the hell out of here and start off new somewhere. 

but now that you’re back, i wanna keep it that way. i don’t want to move.